Have been so negative, so drained and so empty for the past 1 year due to a few things that happened. I find it so hard to perk myself or get back to being in the presence of God again. No matter how hard I tried (I haven’t tried very hard actually) I just couldn’t focus.

Recently, i think I just had enough. I find so much negativity, so much unrest in me. I just wanted to quit my job because I just cannot see anything ahead. But, will I be losing myself more? It started on Monday, 18^th August that I decided I needed solitude. So I intentionally read God’s Word and pray over lunch time. Then I wanted not to complain. (though I couldn’t stand not too, but I am still trying) Too much negativity! Then come Wednesday 19^th August that we had a prayer meeting and I really sang unto the Lord. It has been so difficult singing unto the Lord in church cause I couldn’t focus with Jaekan around. I realised I need the space and the community to support me through. Relationship with God meant a world to me. I thought its just part of me then I realised without that connection, I am simply nothing. I am not me anymore. I hold nothing to my name. Not my work, not my family, not my interest or hobbies that I can my worth in.

Then came a colleague that shared with me about his perspectives on work. I always knew but I guessed I am so cold-hearted that I forgot. Work, career, ministry, calling.  & to connect to people’s hearts and not being an administrator. I am truly ashamed of the privilege i have to connect but fail to do so. Its useless to use your own strengths but forgetting the heart that matters. I think he is a God-sent reminder. I thank God for that.

Thank you God for today. I hope its truly awakening.