Dear Charity, I am sorry that my tubes were perhaps narrow or whatever that is happening..you could have been a normal child and I will name you Charity if you are a girl. They took you out, just a sac but nothing was possibly form due to the ectopic nature of the pregnancy. God has been good because He saved me. It just like I was given so many warning signs and God has delayed the sac to burst in my body. Also throughout, I was not in great pain. Some pain, yes..but it was manageable. Throughout the process, I felt closer to your daddy whom I distanced for quite some time and of course, your brother, Jaekan whom I was super close to, I guess I have to break myself from him. Though very reluctantly, I have to let go. Perhaps, God is also teaching me to trust in Him and also marvel at His timing and healing.
4 weeks ago, I was bleeding browish blood spots and i thought I was having my period since it was time. Then, one Sunday, I brought Jaekan to botanic gardens and had bad aches and cramps. I rested. On Monday I think first week of July, I went to work as usual..came bk home with cramps that almost cause me to faint. I immediately ask Jon to come bk home despite of wanting him to really work hard. I didn't feel that way before. I was asked to take pregnancy test and was faintly positive and I was sent to accident and emergency immediately. Then i was hospitalized for observation to see if it's ectopic. Dr Gordon lim was a mistake by the nurse and threatened miscarriage was the diagnosis. We saw him again and wasn't given any clear answers as my pregnancy hormones went up. I was also bleeding and he says if miscarriage, just let it bleed etc. we decided to go bk to Dr Gordon tan. He was assuring and wanted to play safe. I took a lot tests, jabs etc. total: 3 hormones jabs, 5 blood tests, more pocking on drips both right and left hand...we are almost concluding to do a D&C but somehow we sensed something else. I was worried that I ovulated late and will kill Charity if he clears my womb. We went bk on Wednesday, thank God not Thursday...and found that I was bleeding internally outside my uterus and it was an emergency. I was sent to the operating theatre right away and was cut to remove the fetus in my tubes. It was very traumatizing for me! I cried and was an emotional mess because it's my first time in the operating theatre and first operation. Jon was throughout loving and patient towards me. Dr Gordon too. I was comforted to have him as my doctor. He said lightheartedly but reassuringly " don't worry dawn. I am going to save your ovaries and it's not painful. " I replied him" Dr Gordon, you have done it many times but it's my first time of course I am scared." He smiled and said " that's true". I knew I could trust God and trust Dr. I committed everything into His hands and went into deep sleep while Dr cut cut me.
GA indeed made someone really googy. I vomited. I didn't eat anything for a day on my operation and 2nd day, they didn't allow me to eat. I didn't for almost 2 days and survived on plain water. I vomitted the 2 slips of ginger tea and milo....sigh. The one comfort I love-eating, milo are all taken from me. The 3 tubes inserted in me is also very uncomfortable. My whole body ache since I couldn't get down at all. I could only mainly lie down. My butt developed rashes in result of that. I have an active butt. I was restless.
I didn't pray much during these 3 weeks. Honestly, I didn't know what to pray. I only prayed in desperate and think I should pray moments. But God was merciful. He really is. He could have not saved me since I was so unfaithful. But a God isn't petty. Thank you God for saving me and for this experience.
