Can I DONT go back to work?

Seriously, I am thinking about it. Even though staying home meant- i have to put aside my vanity pursuits (not that when I am part time, I have any money to spend on buying clothes or to go for facials), go to predictable places, eat my same old home-cook food (lunch/dinner) and always budget on everything.....BUT, I really enjoy the quantity and quality time with Jaekan. Its great. I don't mind seeing him 24hours now. I am his playmate, his cook, his nurse, his helper, his sleep mate, his teacher and his companion. Sometimes, i think i am just "obsessed" with him because I simply just love being with him. I find him simply lovely and adorable. Maybe its his age which is the lovely and adorable age? Maybe when he is older, i can tear my hair off disciplining him? Of course, I have angry moments where he messed up his food and kept disobeying my instructions. But those moments are short. 

I think motherhood is really quite amazing. Its a new found love-a very sacrificial and protective kind of love which i have not experienced before with anyone. And you just want the very best for your child-including being the best for him. I kept thinking- i have to go back to work. I need the CPF for the flat. Things are not stable at home financially. Its time to let go abit more since situation doesn't allow. And, i felt indebted to my current workplace. They have been very kind to me. Its ungrateful not to continue. Jaekan will grow up and its healthy for him to build good relationships with the significant others in his life! 

Anyway, Jaekan is almost 16 months now. He is very very lovely and sweet in my eyes. :)) His big round eyes (with those lovely long lashes), red pouting lips and rosy chubby cheeks. He giggles when I managed to tease or tickle him. His laughter is infectious! At 15 months, he learnt his body parts and points to them when asked. When i asked him to show me his tongue, he will stick out his tongue in a very cute manner! He understands instructions very well from sit down, lie down, please keep your toys and put it in the box, please put the books in the shelves etc... He also loves to hug and kiss me me randomly and of course, when asked, he will do that too. (sometimes reluctantly cause Jon always ask for kisses!) He loves to be read to (more English books than Chinese books) He also exercise his independence especially when he is at the playground or during Mommy's art lessons. He loves balls and has more than 5 types of balls at home which he plays with those different types every day. He even chases after balls at the playground and will be close to tears & alot of grumbles when he didn't manage to "borrow" the calls from others. I think thats very cute. He wouldn't throw a tantrum with others but just put up a very upset and pitiful face! :)) 

How would I look forward to go to work? I am miserably counting down to 2 months more to spend precious time with him. I really cannot bear to put him back in childcare again especially I may need to put him for longer hours now due to the nap time and location of the childcare. SIGH. I want to commit this desire of being a home-maker in the Lord's hands..