It has been 1 year! Jon and myself have been married for a year now. To us, its a year of living with a new person with a new role~its really about adjusting each other's expectations/living habits, creating a new set of living habits, understanding each other and above all, remembering that we are in a relationship with God too.
~The room mate experience~
Of course, the whole experience started at our honeymoon where I have a new room mate. I have always slept alone for a long time. I even lived alone for a long time. Whereas, Jon-of course, being the only son at home has the luxury of his own room and freedom to do whatever he wants. Naturally, we didn't sleep so well the first few days. But, subsquently, i guessed we got used to each other and plus the nice king size bed and tiring travelling during honeymoon-sleeping was unavoidable and crucial. The other small details like tooth brush/tooth paste, clothes, sleeping habits didn't even bother us. I think its the sleeping that matters~ :) haha!
~The House mate experience~
Unlike the room mate experience, the housemate experience comes alittle different. After all, we are brought up differently and does things differently. Both of us did household chores before but I am more used to doing it as I lived alone before. So, things were slightly different. However, we are not too fussy and set our own rules, our own pace. I think tolerance and understanding is a very element in this aspect. Thank God we didn't really quarrel over tooth brushes/tooth paste (whether you squeeze the middle or the top) or toilet seats or how you really hang the clothes or mop the floor. We simply just want to get our chores done and make sure our house is clean for both of us-not to anyone's standards but ours. I think that helped.
~The wife and husband role~
To me, this aspect is the most important but also the hardest. We quarrelled (big and small) about expectations and had conflicts over ironing them out. And, this journey don't seem to end because we are always faced with new situations that somehow de-stablise the whole role or expectations. I would say-nobody is perfect and never will be. Whats really important is to remember the positive, the good times, the reason why you are married in the first place and also above all, God helps and strengthens. Its a lifetime learning experience and being a wife whether all kinds of situation is not easy. But, after a year, I come to learn abit here and there-though not totally and there is alot of room to improve. Initially, you just struggle with being an individual, being a daughter and being a wife. To me being a wife is to see that your husband is priority. When he is down, he is to be cared, prayed or consoled. (same for the role of a husband) Sometimes, he wants to be left alone. Sometimes, he wants to be respected. Its all different at different situations! Its hard to tell and plus your own emotions-you get mixed up too. Being a wife its also about making sure a home is a home-there is home cook food at times, a clean and peaceful place. Creating that homely environment. Being a wife is also being supportive in his work and ministry...these are not expectations from Jon but what I think a wife should be. Maybe, expectations too high? I am sure Jon felt the same with a different set of expectations and roles to fulfill. Not just a husband whom he felt its suppose to provide, protect and give stability/security but also as a son in law too-new committments etc. Jon's most concern area is whether he is also praying and leading me spiritually which I take great delight in his constant sharings and reminders about God.
Overall, our year has NOT been a honeymoon year unlike what many people would say. I have heard of people saying all sweetness about first year of marriages. But, I don't think that's the reality. Maybe, Jon and myself are just honest and trash it out folks. We want to trash things out before we sleep. We thank God nevertheless that He has been our Helper, our Strength and the one who holds our marriage. We are looking forward for many good years to come whether be it in storms or sweetness! :) Happy 1st Anniversary, Jon and Dawn!
